“Hey, hey! Are you alright?” Logan thought this was a bit on the nose for a therapist to ask, but it was necessary to snap him back to reality. Since his incident yesterday, he could not stop falling into this same trance, like he was plunging through an infinite digital abyss.

It’s fall, and you all know what that means: time for an October canon event.

Patient arrived at clinic exhibiting clear symptoms of Acute Brain-Rot Slop Syndrome. When asked to describe their state of emotion, patient reported “ngl, it’s kinda joever right now.” When asked to elaborate, the patient responded with “holy yap.”

Hi, protein! High protein! Cleanse your mind of all other “p” words in your lexicon. The past? The present? The pernicious passing parcels of peace? There is only one “p” that matters here: “PROTEIN!”

It’s not often that PETA and conservatives find themselves on the same side of a political controversy. In fact, precisely 15 years have passed since the last time this occurred.

Hey Mates! Welcome to “Creature Watch,” your favorite show about nature’s most peculiar creations. Here in the Joseph Mark Lauinger Memorial Library, we’ve caught sight of an elusive creature in its natural habitat. Say hello to the Homo chattiusgptius!

Because what is a more enriching experience than standing in line in front of Gaston Hall for an indefinite amount of time? Now, that is the hallmark of the Georgetown experience. After an in-depth analysis of potential candidates, here are my fabulous top five.

My name is [redacted], and I'm a Duolingo addict. I didn't choose the owl life; the owl life chose me.

The Harris Campaign blurred too many lines, and not just by playing the song “Blurred Lines.”

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