The 2010s are finally coming to a close. We’ve all gone through so much this decade: two presidential elections, seven Kanye albums, the literal end of the world. I think it’s safe to say we’re ready to put the final nail in the coffin of these, let’s be honest, pretty subpar last ten years. But before we move on to the Roaring Twenties 2: Electric Boogaloo, let’s all take a moment to reflect on what we won’t be taking with us into this new decade. And remember, they may be gone, but they’ll surely never be forgotten.
1. Pokémon Go: Despite what the song says, there are very few of us left who still “play Pokémon Go everyday.” We had a good run, though. I’ve never seen the country as unified as during that first month or so when everyone was more interested in taking over their local gym instead of fighting for (or against) the government not taking away our basic rights. I’ve also never seen that many people actually go outside, granted I never go outside myself to see the people. All in all, maybe it’s for the best. At least now we won’t waste the rest of our lives working to collect essentially useless “things” just to be able to appear relatively “better” than others in an attempt to distract ourselves from our cruel ultimate fate. Oh, wait.
2. Planking: Does everyone remember when people used to just lie down on stuff and it was a thing? Wild times we used to live in. The fad of planking involved one lying face down, and that’s about it. As it became more popular, planking became more focussed on the setting, the goal now being for one to plank in the strangest possible location. As with Pokemon Go, it’s also for the best that we leave planking behind for good. According to Wikipedia, planking had resulted in many injuries and at least one death. I would go further into details, but out of respect for the deceased, as well as the fact that Wikipedia keeps asking me to “donate” to them, I’ll refrain.
3. Fidget Spinners: No doubt that when these were in
style, Georgetown bought some cheap blue and gray fidget
spinners and then stuck on a “G” logo or a picture of Jack’s
face on them and sold them for like fifty dollars each. I couldn’t find any GU fidget spinners© online, but, as we all know, Georgetown loves covering up its shady past.
4. Vine: Now here’s something whose death was definitely not for the best. As I’m sure we all remember, vines were short funny videos. I may not remember how to do basic algebra for the Proofs final next week, but I’ll never forget the joy of that little girl saying “look at all those chickens!” “I think I know more about American Girl dolls than you!” is forever etched into my mind. The endless cry of “fre sho voca do” ceaselessly echoes in my soul. We are now condemned to view these sacred texts solely through YouTube compilations. We are cursed with the false prophet that is TikTok, who cares not for the viewer, but wishes only to steal her data for Chinese corporations. Do not fall for their lies. Vine has no replacement.
5. The Environment.
6. The Harlem Shake: The Harlem Shake trend involved a video of a person dancing alone for fifteen seconds followed by a bass drop and fifteen seconds of multiple people dancing, usually in the most absurd way possible.
I know from experience that this trend is dead because no
matter how long I dance, I am still alone in this world. And,
by the way, can someone please tell the people coordinating the basketball games to stop playing this song during the Hoya dance off?
7. YOLO: I’d like to apologize for reminding you all about the YOLO trend. Luckily, though, since YOLO only lives once, we shouldn’t be hearing about it ever again. I have a personal vendetta against every single person who has ever used #yolo un-ironically. Even if you were in middle school at the time, I don’t think I can take that as an excuse. Some actions are just unforgivable. And if you think I’m acting irrationally by making sweeping generalizations such as this, I respond with the best way to respond when one accuses you of doing something stupid: #yolo.
8. Harambe: RIP (for more, please see Elon Musk’s song).
9. Jokes about 20/20 Vision: Sometimes I sit alone and
reflect on the fact that no matter how hard I try, I will never
achieve something as great as coming up with the response, “I don’t know, I don’t have 20/20 vision,” when someone asks me where I see myself in a year (or ten years, when asked at the start of this decade). This pinnacle of comedy, however, only works when the year 2020 is in the future. Of course, after 2020 we could always make a joke like this when asked what we were doing last year (or however many years ago), but it just doesn’t have the same ring. Because of this, I’d like to indulge myself just this one time. Please read the following line out loud:
Where do you see yourself in a year?
I don’t know, I don’t have 20/20 vision. Ha. Got ‘em.