To whom it may concern,
(I’m looking at you, DeGoya)
My name is Jimmy Richperson and I am a junior in the most pretentious school at Georgetown (you know which one). In case you weren’t aware, I am the grandson of Joseph P. Georgetown, so I’m kind of a big deal. And my grandfather, the inventor of toaster strudel, would not be very happy to know how you’ve been treating students like me during this horrible time.
In case you need a refresher, here’s what’s been happening (for me, at least): Instead of staying in a townhouse near campus that my family paid for, I’m stuck at home alone with only my family and our full grounds staff. OK, sure, I do still get to leave to go to my beach house, my lake house, my ski chalet, and my other beach house, but it’s still basically being stuck at home, just somewhere else, so it doesn’t really count. And it’s not even enjoyable because none of my friends can come, except the ones who don’t actually care about COVID. But now my mom tells me I can’t hang out with them anymore, all because she has a preexisting condition and is scared to get exposed. Like, c’mon Mom, it’s not my fault you have chronic kidney disease. And, on top of all of that, I have to go to online class. Sure, I don’t need to try because I can always just pass/fail them, and honestly my dad could just threaten to withhold his annual donation to the school if I’m not given straight As, but I still have to log in and sit there, granted I just do stuff on my phone and keep my camera off the whole time. But I’m still not having any fun, and I’d like to know what you are doing to alleviate my suffering.
And I know I’m not the only one suffering. Some have lost those close to them because of the virus. Others’ families can no longer pay for school because the pandemic has put them out of work. They are all just like me. We have all been negatively impacted by this virus, and I just happen to have the courage to stand up. Just like all the people who stood together maskless in Healy Circle after the basketball team won the Big East tournament, I am ready to stand up against Georgetown University’s oppression against healthy people.
And don’t try to tell me I have to be responsible to protect old people. All the old people have vaccines now, so who cares about them anymore. I mean, they’re old. The real sufferers are people like me who weren’t even scared of the virus but had to socially distance all because the eldery didn’t want to die or whatever. And now that the old people are safe, we still can’t do anything, because they were prioritized for vaccines all because they’re more likely to die. News flash: they’re old. They’re probably gonna die anyways. Stop wasting time with them and give me the vaccine so I can go back to drinking beer with my bros and not doing my work.
So, I ask, what are you, Georgetown University, doing to help out people like me? People are dying, and what does Georgetown do? It doesn’t let me have my Tombs night. Yes, over two million people are dead, but I only turn 21 once, and most of the people who would suffer already turned 21. Georgetown sees the rising case numbers and what do they do? They send out a silly little survey. What’s worse: severe fatigue, loss of taste/smell, and difficulty breathing, or having to click a circle indicating how academically engaged you felt during the last week? I think you know the answer.
How is what you’re doing supposed to help anyone? Do you really even care about the people like me, the people who are suffering the most from this pandemic? I guess not.
Sincerely,
Jimmy Richperson
Jackson Foran is a junior studying Philosophy, Math, and Psychology. He actually enjoys not having to leave his house during the pandemic.