In an interview last Sunday, local Georgetown student Arlo Lastname, when asked what type of music he enjoys, replied with the following: “You probably haven’t heard of it.” When pushed further, he would not budge, only offering, “It’s not that popular” and “I just have different taste than most people.” Despite wearing a vineyard vines® (yes, they put their name in all lowercase) t-shirt and white tennis shoes, Arlo claimed that he isn’t a fan of “mainstream culture.”
Arlo’s actions have led to extreme backlash and conflict on Georgetown’s campus between those who understand his plight and those who think he’s just a pretentious asshole. An altercation broke out between an Arlo-sympathizer and another student. After the contretemps (I learned that word today), our field correspondent got a statement from each of the parties.
From the pro-Arlo faction, we received the following: “I can’t believe we’re being attacked because of our taste in music! We understand that these people are mad that our taste in music is superior, but that doesn’t give them the right to take their anger out on us.” One Arlo sympathizer suggested that mainstream music was rotting the minds of those who listened, and even pointed out that, when played backwards and slowed down to 0.25 speed, any song in the top 100 has at least one mention of “kill” or “murder.”
From the anti-Arlo faction, we received the following statement: “Pretentious assholes.”
The Indy, likely because of the name of the magazine, got an exclusive with Arlo to discuss his reaction to the events transpiring. From our interview, here’s his side of the story:
I: Why did you claim that others “probably haven’t heard of” the music you listen to?
A: It’s just something that’s not on the radio.
I: Do you really think people today form their taste in music from the radio?
A: I mean, unless they’re like me, they probably don’t know how to find the kinds of things that I listen to.
I: Literally the only person who still listens to the radio is my aunt, and only she does it because she likes to listen to Howard Stern.
A: Who?
I: You haven’t heard of Howard Stern?
At this point, we had to take a short intermission because Arlo was having a bit of a moment, thinking my aunt was more “indie” than him because he didn’t realize that Howard Stern was not an underground bubblegrunge feminist punk group, but instead an old man who makes boob jokes.
I: Are you feeling better now?
A: Yes.
I: Okay. Is it okay if we talk more about your taste in music?
A: I mean, I don’t why we’d need to. It’s not like anyone who reads this is going to know what I’m talking about anyway.
I: Well maybe if you tell them, they’ll be able to look it up.
A: Okay fine. Have you ever heard of Tame Impala?
I: Yes.
A: You have?
I: Yes.
A: What about AJR? They’re really indie. They’re a New York City-based indie pop trio who mix barbershop harmonies, electronic music, and other styles into their eclectic sound.
I: It sounds like you just quoted that from their Spotify bio.
A: Okay, I know Frank Ocean isn’t mainstream.
I: He won a Grammy.
A: What?
I: Two, actually.
At this point, we had to end our interview, as Arlo couldn’t take the basis for his personality being ripped out from under him, essentially killing him through the destruction of his symbolic immortality. Growing incomprehensible, he fled the premises. Experts are unsure if he will ever recover.
After this, Arlo’s friend, who had accompanied him to the meeting, was apologetic, offering: “Sorry about Arlo. Sometimes he’s just a pretentious asshole.”
Foran is a junior studying Philosophy, Math, and Psychology. He listens to music you probably haven’t heard of.
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