It’s already October, and, as everyone knows, that means it’s already Halloween. And what better way to celebrate than by listening to me tell you what to wear! For the past few years, the Indy has made sure to keep you up to date with what’s in and what’s not in terms of music, memes, and whatever else counts as culture these days. Halloween costumes apparently fall into this category, so hopefully we can help with that as well. Lately, however, Halloween has become much less about what you are wearing, and much more about what you aren’t wearing. So, without further ado, I give you The Indy’s Halloween 2019 Costume Recommendations: Sexy Edition…
1. Sexy Rat
If Karen Smith has taught us anything, it’s that incest is only wrong in some situations. But if there’s something else she has taught us, it’s how to dress up like a mouse: wear mouse ears and very few clothes. Because I’m still not sure what the difference between a mouse and a rat is, I’m going to assume they’re the same. Anyway, here’s nothing.
What you’ll need:
• Black/Gray Dress
• Mouse Ears (If you don’t want to buy these, just follow the directions for the ears for the Sexy Jack the Bulldog costume, using only black pipe cleaners and pink construction paper)
• Silver Ribbon
• Pink Heels
What to do:
1. Put on the black/gray dress and pink heels.
2. Wrap the ribbon around your waist and tie a bow on your front, making it tight enough that it won’t fall off.
3. Attach the mouse ears to your hair (or put on your headband if you made it yourself).
4. If anyone asks what you are, respond, “I’m a rat, duh.”
5. Skulk around the dumpsters and run through the shadows when you see students coming near.
6. Please stay away from my room.
2. John DeGioia
As you may have noticed, there is no “sexy” in front of this one. As you also may have noticed, trying to add it before our university president’s name would just be redundant.
What you’ll need:
• Black shorts
• Black vest
• Georgetown tie
• Printed John DeGioiga Face (we used the one off his facebook page, cited below)
• Blue/Gray Sweatband
• Tape
What to do:
1. Put on the vest and shorts. If you’re feeling spicy, leave vest unbuttoned.
2. Put the red tie around your neck.
3. Put on the heels.
4. Put on the sweatband.
5. Cut out John DeGioiga’s face and cut out the eyes.
6. Tape John DeGioiga’s face to your headband so that you can see through where his eyes used to be.
7. Pretend you are John DeGioiga.
8. Replace the actual John DeGioiga and usurp the presidency.
9. Replace Leos with a TGI Fridays but since “in there it’s always Friday,” upstairs is never open for dinner.
3. Sexy Jack the Bulldog
We all love Jack the Bulldog, so why not try to steal some of his glory through your own objectification this Halloweekend? Plus, you get to wear a collar, if you’re into that.
What you’ll need:
• White Georgetown tank-top
• Light brown booty shorts
• Light brown headband
• 2 pipe cleaners (one white, one light brown)
• Construction paper (white, brown)
• Light brown pom-pom
• Light brown uggs
• Blue and gray dog collar [optional, I guess]
• Sharpie
What to do:
1. Tape or glue the pom-pom onto the middle of the back of your shorts. It’s a dog tail.
2. Bend the middle of each pipe cleaner into a half-circle with a diameter of 3 inches.
3. Tape the pipe cleaner half-circles to your headband so they face out. Put one on each side, like dog ears, because that’s what they’re supposed to be.
4. Cut a half circle out of the white construction paper and a half circle out of the light brown construction paper. Tape the half circles to the pipe-cleaner ears, matching up the colors.
5. Make sure the headband has the white ear on your right and light brown ear on your left.
6. Draw a small circle on your nose with the sharpie. If you don’t want permanent brain damage from the fumes, mascara or face paint also works.
7. Put the collar around your neck.
8. Crawl around on all fours and have random people touch you on their way to class.
4. “Saxy” Bill Clinton
Halloween is all about scary, and what could be scarier than former president William Jefferson Clinton? Everyone’s favorite(?) Georgetown alum and runner up for first lady in the 2016 election will be a hit at any party. Sure, he did not have [redacted] with that woman, but that doesn’t mean we can’t oversexualize him now.
What you’ll need:
• White Georgetown crop-top
• Red tie
• Blue booty shorts
• String
• Toy saxophone
• Black heels
• Two impeachment charges
• Gray hair dye/gray wig [optional]
What to do:
1. Put on the crop-top, shorts, and shoes.
2. Put on the tie, but loosen it a lot.
3. Cut off 2.5 feet of string.
4. Lace one end of the string through the toy saxophone.
5. Tie the ends of the string together to make a necklace and wear it with the saxophone in front of you.
6. Put on gray wig or dye your hair gray. [optional]
7. Go out and ask people if they want to have sexual relations you can later deny happening.
8. Don’t get the 2/3 vote needed for indictment and end your presidency without scandal.
9. BONUS: Get your best friend to wear a blue dress with trace amounts of ash from your cigar and make this a two-person costume.
If you think none of these options seem to work for you, I couldn’t disagree more. Every single one of you is sexy in your own way, I guarantee it. But if you do find each of these four sad excuses for clothing mentally scarring in their own peculiar way (and, let’s be honest, who doesn’t), you can always be something else. That’s literally the point of Halloween. So just throw on whatever you feel comfortable in, because you are a beautiful person no matter what you wear. Unless you work for the Hoya.
Can't decide which option is best for you? Take Jackson's Buzzfeed quiz here!
Jackson Foran