I’m a sucker for military-enemies-to-lovers-conservative-liberal-health-insurance stories, but I truly have never seen a film like Purple Hearts . Netflix's sexy, violent, diabetic, Iraqi War movie is a cinematic masterpiece. We follow Cassie, a struggling singer, and Luke, a drug-addict marine, in their quest for love and the American Dream. Now, many might say this movie explores the hardships of being a God-loving American…those would be China-loving commies, but that’s neither there nor over here. Instead of thematic discussions with my counterparts, I would rather do what any good American would and praise this movie for its patriotism, not some snowflake bullshit like “character development.” When we first meet Cassie, she is a terrible singer and performs at the bar where she works as a server. Plus, she has Type 1 diabetes, and that sucks, too. It’s only when our beautiful, sexy marines enter the frame that she starts getting some shit done. Luke is extremely nice to Cassie, only calling her a liberal nut once in this scene. Cassie, like any musician, starts barking about insulin prices (that she isn’t working hard enough to afford) and pronouns. Anyways, Cassie should have been grateful to our American heroes when Luke offered to marry her so she could get health insurance. Classic musicians. I mean, she literally sang a punk cover of “Sweet Caroline.” For real? Like most Americans, Cassie is saved by the marines and can now afford insulin so she can write better songs and not be annoying about it. She ends up writing a masterpiece asking the marines to come home, called “Come Back Home.” It’s no “Sweet Caroline,” (the non-punk way as God intended) but it will do. Of course, the song goes viral, but Luke gets hurt and has to come home. Cassie’s dumb liberal ass accidentally tells Luke’s father about their marriage which is bad because he’s a former cop. I love cops, but he’s a military cop, so his job is completely obsolete because the military never commits crimes. Unfortunately, our hero is sidelined when he is arrested for violating military law. Thanks, Cassie. While he’s on trial, she ends up opening for Florence and the Machine , which sounds like that kid's show band my nephew watches. Finally, Cassie caves and learns to love our hero. She puts off the concert with the weird barefoot witchy band to give him a smooch. They end up happily on a beach, enjoying the benefits of the VA fund and social security. Ah, what a life. This film taught me many; lots even. I will now start using Armando’s awesome come-back for Cassie when he yelled, “What would you like us to do with the Arabs, teach them pronouns?” Man, that was good. I also learned that if I ever have an issue with health insurance, I can always rely on the U.S. military. Finally, I learned those liberal nut musicians are really America-lovers at heart. It just takes them longer to come out. This masterclass of cinema is a must-watch, and only after watching will you understand the true meaning of the war on terror in the Middle East. In total, Purple Hearts is a wonderful adaptation of West Side Story , except far less PC, which I like. The only other thing I could ask for has to be a sequel. Perhaps this one can tap into the wars of the past, maybe one on the various love stories of the Cold War? Anthony Bonavita is a Junior in the SFS studying CULP, and is the Executive Editor of the INDY.