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Unrequited Love: A Series


نحن فقط صديقاتنا.

I find that the only words

that truly express how I’m feeling

are in your language.

And I try but fall short

because it’s still your language

and not yet mine. 

The words I write 

tumble onto the page

in jagged edges

and graceless lines,

but I can’t

nudge them into shape

or mold them into perfection,

because you’re the one

I’d ask for help.

لماذا انتِ؟

لماذا انا؟


••••••••••


My heart has become a stone, 

sinking in my body, 

barreling through

organs

muscles

and bones,

coming only to a stop 

at my feet.


Behind her downward spiral 

trails a web of nerves –  

stripping the feeling from my limbs 

and wrapping themselves 

around my heart 

like a blanket, 

so that all I feel 

is its dull 

empty 

thudding.


••••••••••


Every time I see her,

she’s more beautiful 

than the day before. 


••••••••••


I’m fine when you’re not there. 

When I can’t hear you laugh

and feel myself blush

at the sound of your joy…

When your eyes aren’t there

to meet mine

and I can’t melt into them,

desperate to be seen

the way I see you…

When the smell of your hair

doesn’t wash over me,

interrupting every other thought 

that isn’t already of you…


I’m fine

when I pretend that I’ll find

someone better

someone made for me

someone who likes me back.


I’m fine

when I don’t remember

that my future won’t 

have you in it

and my present barely

has you at all.


But I still want you -

you who won’t give me a chance,

you who goes on living a life 

unchanged and unscathed, 

washing the past eight months away like

they were nothing but grains of sand

whose purpose is to do nothing but 

succumb to the ocean’s will. 


As I said. 

I’m fine. 


••••••••••


She doesn’t look at me anymore. 

Not like she used to. 

Or maybe it’s me

who can’t bear to look at her

and acknowledge  

that there was nothing between us

after all.


••••••••••


I fell for you hard

and didn’t realize it

until you were gone.

 

Olyvia Yujin is a senior in the SFS majoring in Regional and Comparative Studies and minoring in Turkish.

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