negative three: number theory
from FILM NOTES ON A GOD WHO DREAMS WITH THE SKY PAINTED NEON: A Documentary
Aging is just learning new definitions for numbers. Is changing
numerical figures to human ones. Is remaking digits as the
spacing of fingers, to their capacity to do magic, to spin
something from nothing. Ekhi Omkar. One is God. One is
nothing and one is all; God is nothing and God is all. Two is you
and I. You, but I? You, and I. Three is the number of leaves on the
clovers I find. I have never been one for luck. Four. The number
of chambers in your heart, three of which I have been to, one of
which I never will: the left ventricle that brings blood to the rest
of your body. Do I give life to you? Five. The day when God made humankind, when he created and created and created, and gave
to what he created, and then stood up to gaze at what he made.
Indeed, it was very good, but was it good enough? Six. The
branches of a snowflake, melting onto your nose under the
winter afternoon sun. The date of my birthday, where I blew out
the candles and dumbly wished for more wishes. No one was
listening. Or so I thought. Seven. The Sabbath. Rest. Sink into the
mattress and recall the great warmth that came from being held.
Rub your hands together and build a fire. Eight is the legs of
Anansi, the spider who gave us the Word. Is the length of the
path to be walked. To be free from. Nine, written in that
kindergartener script, is just the removal of a line away from
n · ne. None. How easy it is to rob. Will you hold me when they
take from me? Will you wield a weapon, or simply wrap me in
blankets, throw your body over mine, sing me a spiritual? Will
you call upon angels, or will you face darkness yourself?
Are you afraid?