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The Solution to World Hunger: How to Steal Food from Leo's

October 11, 2018

In today’s society, everyone is so caught up in this political scandal or that celebrity affair. Political leaders use the ideals and aspirations of everyday citizens to advance their own agendas. Big businesses ignore real issues in order to reach their profit margins, exploiting their workers in the process. All the while, mainstream media forces our eyes towards petty squabbles and unintelligible blabber, leaving us blind to the real issue: hunger.

 

In 2016 the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization estimated that about 815 million people did not have the food necessary to live healthy lives1 (10.8 percent of Earth’s population malnourished). Is this because we have outgrown what our planet can sustain? Are we unable to grow enough food? No. In fact, since the 1960s, food diversity and per capita caloric availability has increased worldwide (1). So why aren’t we able to feed everyone? There is a very simple answer: the authoritarian policies of downstairs Leo’s.

 

For instance, students are only allowed to take two pieces of fruit per meal swipe. I was unaware of this regulation until I was assailed by the man swiping people into Leo’s. He informed me that I was not, in fact, allowed to take my three pieces of fruit, even though the World Health Organization suggests that individuals consume five fruits and vegetables a day in order to get sufficient nutrients (2). For those who didn’t do the math, two is not equal to five. In fact, two is three less than five, so one would have to use at least three meal swipes in order to avoid contracting scurvy and having their limbs fall off.

 

To end this exploitation, I have created a few tips on how to get your money’s worth and not die of malnutrition.

 

 

 

  1. Most workers don’t actually care if you take food. The workers who swipe students in are in charge of authoritarian surveillance, so be wary only of them. (Red on map)

  2. When Leo’s is busier (12:30, 6:30), said workers are less likely to notice that you are taking food, as they are too busy dealing with the feeding masses.

  3. Bring a backpack every time you go to Leo’s. They’re not going to check your backpack for food.

    1. Also bring Tupperware to shove food in so you don’t just have spaghetti sitting in your bag.

    2. Bottles and other liquid containers are good for taking from the drink machines. If they’re a solid color, no one can tell that there’s a week’s worth of milk in there.

  4. The area behind the central station with the salad bar is almost completely cut off from the workers’ view, making it the perfect place to empty your plate into your bag. (Green on map)

  5. Use all of your meal swipes. Even if you’re not hungry, take some stuff and put it in your fridge for later.

  6. Feel free to steal plates and utensils too. Georgetown is rich and college students are poor so you’re basically Robin Hood.

    1. Not forks though. There are never any forks. If you steal a fork then you’re basically Satan.

For those of you who follow these steps, I’d like to personally thank you for making sure that college students do not go hungry. If we all work together, maybe, just maybe, we can rise to the impossible task of ending world hunger. And who knows what’s next… World peace? Colonizing Mars? The end of The Real Housewives? There’s no limit to what we can do together by stealing food from the dining hall.

 

 

Sources:

1: “World Hunger and Poverty Facts and Statistics.” Hunger Notes, World Hunger Education Service, 2016, https://www.worldhunger.org/world-hunger-and-poverty-facts-and-statistics/.

2: “Dietary Guidelines for Americans.” Health.gov, Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, 23 September 2018, https://health.gov/dietaryguidelines/dga2000/document/build.htm.

 

Foran is an Economics and Math Freshman.

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